Slim, Flimsy, Slimy Films (J-Mil Just Invented A Tongue Twister)

I am such a boob! GAH! GAHHH! Even though I am only partially to blame.

This morning I woke up an hour earlier than I normally would so that I could take a shower (I'm an evening-shower gal by nature, but I was too exhausted last night). Then I checked my rehearsal schedule and it turns out I didn't have rehearsal until 3pm! So I woke up early for no reason. And I sat in bed, reading Sparknotes in lieu of actually having to read the many run-on sentences that comprise "Mansfield Park." I waited. And I waited. I had nothing to do so I got dolled up; this is what girls do when they are bored. So there I was, dolled up and ready for rehearsal. But then when I got there...

"We waited for you!"

I look down at my watch.

"...It's only 3:10."

Seeing as one guy was about an hour late for rehearsal yesterday, this didn't seem like a big deal.

"The schedule got changed like two weeks ago. Didn't you get the e-mail?"

I most certainly did not. And what irritates me is that at least three people at the rehearsal had my phone number, yet nobody called to ask where I was. They called the ass hole who was an hour late! And he KNEW he was late! So no rehearsal for me. And no reason to wake up 3-4 hours earlier than I would normally. Fantastic. Fortunately, my friend at the rehearsal had nothing to do afterward so we hung out and saw "He's Just Not That Into You." A cute chick flick, but the subject matter (commitment, dating uncertainties, etc.) is unsuitable for a date movie.

As of this moment I am illegally loading "Doubt" on my PC. Oscar Season is in the air and there are too many good movies out that I haven't seen yet. Others I still want to see:

1. The Reader
2. The Wrestler
3. Coraline
4. The Pink Panther 2
5. The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button
6. Frost/Nixon
7. Synecdoche New York
8. Hotel For Dogs (just kidding)
   

Especially number 7. It was a limited-release film, much like Slumdog Millionaire, that is supposedly a mindf*ckingly philosophical film that "makes you think." I'll watch anything that makes me think.

It's difficult to choose a favorite movie, because different films have different appeals. But as of right now, if a hooded figure were suspending me over a fire by a flimsy line of rope and threatened to lower me into the flames if I didn't tell him (or her) my favorite movie, I'd have to say "Memento." I love Memento because there's always something to think about. It's like "Fight Club" the first time you watch it combined with "Fight Club" the second time you watch it. Your mind feels so utterly raped by this movie that you have one or both of the following reactions:

• You sit in a stupor, stupified by this stupifying film
• Twitch in your seat from all the spasms your brain is having

For me personally, it was both at the same time. And that in itself was bizarre and only added to my confusion.

While Memento is undoubtedly one of my all-time favorite movies, I find fault in that it lacks significance. There isn't really a "bigger picture." The essential theme of Memento is: don't trust memory. There isn't a large, universal theme or artistic significance, as is with "American Beauty" or "Requiem For A Dream" (two movies also very high up on my A-list).

I, like most moviegoers, enjoy more than one genre of film. They are as follows:

1. Thriller (psychological, particularly)
2. Comedy
3. Drama

And any combination of the three.

I enjoy Comedies for obvious reasons; they make me laugh. They are wholesomely entertaining. There are, however, many discrepancies in the types of humor I enjoy. I tend to like Apatow films, but then again, who doesn't. I guess it's easier to say what types I dislike. I hate frat-boy humor, like American Pie or anything that resembles it. I also hate stoner humor; it's just too easy and takes no talent to create. Thirdly, I hate poorly-made parodies. I feel slightly hypocritical because I liked some of the 'scary movies' (the 1st and 3rd). But that's because the jokes weren't as cheap of shots then. But when they started crapping out garbage like "Scary Movie 4" and "Date Movie" and "Disaster Movie" (<-- by far the worst of them all), it wasn't skillfully articulated humor. It just turned into poor acting, sloppy prosthetics and jokes that practically explain themselves.

I like Thrillers because... THEY MAKE ME THINK. Because I like to think. No sh*t Sherlock; have you been reading my blogs? If a movie has an impact on me, of course I enjoy it (when's the last time a movie affected you and you hated it?). Thrillers create uncertainties in the viewer's mind that cause them to think abstractly and philosophically. This is different from Suspense films, which merely prolong the anticipated outcome and give me anxiety attacks in the process. I find a movie-watching experience most enriching when I honestly don't know what the outcome will be. "He's Just Not That Into You" sort of did this by giving each man and woman so many options that I, as a viewer, wasn't sure what they'd decide; some were close calls. However, the film lost its 'umph' when all the options each person went with was the most likely. Not to mention, the film ended conveniently with everyone living happily ever after (except the cheating prick). There was no variety. 'Into You' would have been stronger and have made more of an impact if the characters (or film writers) had made less conventional decisions. Even having the Cheating Prick wind up with a gal would have strengthened the movie, because it deviates from the norm. We expect Cheating Prick to wind up alone, because that's what he deserves and that's what lets us all go home happy. But we don't think about it ever again. It doesn't "shake up" any emotion inside us. But I digress. That's what I like about Thrillers. They have the ability to shake me up, and they stray from the norm.

I like Dramas for similar reasons as I do Thrillers. They shake me up. Good Dramas, anyway. I'm not all that interested in a love story or one woman's struggle with AIDS, but I am interested in an original story, like "Transamerica," a movie detailing the life of a transvestite living in America. I enjoy new perspectives, because I don't know what to expect. You have my attention. Make me think. Go.

I should also mention that I like artistic films. Not w-t-f-is-going-on-it's-like-alice-in-wonderland-in-a-blender artistic, but... abstract. For the very reason I enjoy most films, as we have now established: because it gets me hard.