A Marmoset is, in essence, a monkey the size of a tennis ball-- a ping-pong ball if you shave all its fur off.
Derp!
I wish that I had a swimming pool full of these adorable little creatures. There's never been much of a hype about them, which I don't understand, because they are TINY MONKEYS! TINY MONKEYS people! How can you ignore something as awesome as a monkey you could fit 12 of in your purse? Or at least 6 in your pockets if you're a guy who doesn't carry a purse? Or 18 if you're a guy who does carry a purse? Exactly. We're talking maximum cuteness to an exponential doubling here!
It's like what the creators of "Snakes On A Plane" had in mind when they were trying to maximize terror. We refer to the graph I have drawn below (Graph A), illustrating on the Horizontal Axis the top two elements which induce the most fear, and on the Vertical Axis how their frequency in a movie actually induces fear.
Graph A
Note: RED denotes maximum level of terror.
The black dot in the upper right hand corner denotes what the creators of "Snakes On A Plane" arrived at as the scariest movie conceivable. This, however, is only theoretical. They made a mistake, and due to a confounding variable (see Graph B) the actual results were less than desirable.
Graph B
Marmosets succeeded where "Snakes On A Plane" failed. There are but two questions we must ask ourselves when judging the cuteness of anything: 1.) Is it small? and 2.) Is it a monkey? In Graph C we see how these factors affect the overall "Cute Factor" of a given subject, in this case, Marmosets:
Graph C
Fun activity for you and your friends: How adorable are YOU?
By this same token, if we wanted to determine the scariest, most adorable movie in the world, it would look something like this:
I give you... "Snakes And Marmosets On A Plane." It will also be a new sitcom premiering this Fall.
Even if they do have weird eyes and little gumless mouths, Marmosets hold a special place in my heart. But it wasn't always that way. I've had numerous favorite animals over the span of a lifetime. Let's take a journey through the chronological evolution of my favorite animals:
1.)
Dogs. Because the only animals I knew existed were dogs and cats.
2.)
Giraffes. Until I learned that Giraffes aren't real.
3.)
Bush babies. Until I saw this photo and nearly died of horror.
4.)
Marmosets! Hooray!
And I think there were some Otters and Chinchillas in there somewhere.
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