Here Is Why I Am So Stressed. Console Me NOW.

Note: this blog isn't very funny or entertaining. I'm just stressed and venting my eyes out.

A question of moral judgment. Things are turning into a trainwreck. I have, what, two weeks of school left, and THIS is the busiest I've been all year. EVERYONE EVERYONE EVERYONE just has complaints and insists upon putting me in difficult situations where I have to be firm. But the second I stand my ground, someone else comes up from behind and stabs me in the back. I'm fed up of being responsible for EVERYTHING, without any sort of division of labor. And then getting the shit thrown MY way when people aren't satisfied.

This whole week. These past two weeks. It's reminiscent of that classic fable about the chicken who asks the dog, cow and cat to help it make the bread, but none of them agree to help until the bread is ready to be eaten.

FAIL
FAIL
FAIL

ESPECIALLY with all this I.T.S. business, which I have been taking care of by myself. Nobody cares about theatre until it comes time to get some sort of special recognition, and then they come to collect. I feel uneasy letting people who have only done one show in their entire life to graduate with esteemed honors in theatre. Some guy (who turned his info. in extremely late and I had to squeeze in "because he's a senior") was barking at me over and over because he thought his many choir shows should count as theatre work. No matter how many times I told him that choir isn't theatre, he began snapping about how unjust it was that being in a dance show counted but choir didn't. No amount of explanation could stop him from acting like a prick toward me; and he just kept making the same arguments and attacks over and over again. And THEN, the one person who was supposed to back me up stepped in to arrange a "compromise," which ended up putting me on the backburner by making me look too strict. And SHE says that I'm being too strict for not allowing him to get honors. In order to get honors-- the "honor cord," specifically-- the student must have at least 200 hours of theatre under their belt. To fabricate that someone who has only done one show and one one-act has that many hours seems VERY unfair to me, if we want to talk about fairness. There are people who have served years to the Drama department and are getting their honor cords-- compare that to some guy who has done the bare minimum of theatre and technically doesn't even qualify in the first place (but I'm offering that leniency). Does he deserve to wear honor cords? The fact that he is just now trying to collect his cords is irritating. But he's not the only one. People who have completely abandoned the department come crawling back when they see the opportunity to reap some sort of benefit. And it's EXTREMELY annoying that our Troup Director has so little spine and such an eagerness to form atrocious "compromises" that they might as well be called "cords" instead of "honor cords."

Simultaneously, I'm trying to organize a show which we have only rehearsed once but must be performed next Friday. A full-length production, essentially. I wrote the entire script. People don't show up to rehearsal because they ALWAYS have excuses, and we get nothing done. We literally have a week to take care of ALLLL the filming, rehearsing, blocking and memorization, but the only thing on most peoples' minds is the stupid effing prom. GROW UP. SHOW SOME RESPONSIBILITY.

Simultaneously, we're delivering our last issue of the paper tomorrow. HALLELUJAH. But our Layout Editor is still a relentless prick who literally (I do not exaggerate) goes out of his way to put people-- me, specifically-- down. And on Friday I'm supposed to "pass the torch" to him during some junior-senior ceremony. Fun. Except I'm tempted to sock him in the face and call him a bleached assh_ole for the way he's treated me and the entire staff this whole year.

Simultaneously, Prop 8 was upheld. I cried, though I'm sure a lot of it had to do with the other things weighing down on me. I hate politics. I felt passionate and involved, and then wound up feeling disappointed. Sounds like... pretty much everything else happening in my world.

I feel robbed of being able to "look ahead into the future" because I have to dedicate so much time and energy to the ephemeral present. Why, of all ironies, am I not allowed to focus on my future two weeks before I graduate? Why NOW?

Screw everyone who has been doing something to make my life difficult in the past month. You have no idea what it's like.

My only refuge is, and always was, English. We've been given a project I've wanted to do forever: a vague project where you choose what your project is. Finally, here, except I forgot all my awesome ideas that I once had. But I have a couple new ideas. I love having no limits. I'm working on something and hopefully it will induce a sort of release.