"Hmm... I'm at work... BLOG."
Except I have nothing noteworthy to say. I guess I'll just free-association write until something comes to me.
Pickle lime dime rog scurvy dingbat willow willow sill snail came pear tree ovular triangle snail's pace crawling creeping dungarees in fashion if the judge says it's so it's just I'm not who we can ghost write make a can of cheese play spring out car karma flick linger finger do not want this ending plum dime ringing ringing tick tock boom scallawag definitely different atrophy muscular spasms resulting in grounded blasphemy until the dawn sets break the time it took to snuff the powder freeing military cameos directly collect the rainforest of Eden to which my soul escalates balance bring sing sang rang dang danger do not want.
Nothing. I got nothing.
Hmm. Maybe I'm alone on this one, but does anyone else ever start breathing irregularly when they listen to their iPod? Particularly in otherwise quiet rooms. When I plug myself in I become extremely self conscious of the noises my body is making, noises which I can't hear because I have my music in and noises the people around me NOT listening to music can definitely hear. What if my stomach gurgles? What if my feet stomp really loud on the floor? What if I shit myself? And the biggest issue... when listening to music my knee-jerk reaction is to sing along... but society frowns on that. And by society, I mean my art teacher during class when we're all intently drawing cubes. So I'm afraid if I'm blasting music in my ears that no one else can hear, I'll start singing along under my breath unknowingly. This could be especially awkward if I was listening to a song like "Get It Up" by Mindless Self Indulgence.
It's an awesome song none the less.
So as a result, I just hold my breath so I know I'm not muttering things. But this is difficult, because I am, what you might call, a mammal. Eventually I really need to breathe, but by this point I've been holding my breath for so long that to exhale and inhale would require gaping, raucous breaths. So I try to breathe in silently, but then my body's lack of oxygen prevents me from doing this with any degree of grace or elegance. So I chicken out and stop breathing again. Eventually I suffocate and die.
"So... that's a typical day for you. You hold your breath and die."
"No doubt."
"And I think you said something in there about shitting yourself?"
"...Nope."
"No, I'm pretty sure you did."
"Naw man, that ain't me."
I had a terrifying dream the other night. And I know it was a terrifying dream because it involved the end of the world and me making out with a homeless ginger. I don't really remember the details of the dream, but it was this convoluted apocalyptic master scheme involving my name. But there was another Jessica Miller-- there always is-- and we had to figure out clue to determine who the real criminal mastermind was. It turned out to be the other Jessica Miller, and I had to go on a quest to stop her.
On a side note, the indication that this was definitely a dream and not real life is the fact that the criminal mastermind was NOT me. Yeah, I worded that convolutedly. What are you going to do about it?
And then I was being followed around by a crazy homeless ginger wearing a lime green overcoat and fox tails on his belt. He was creepy but at some point became my boyfriend. Sounds a lot like Sean Frolander (if you didn't get that reference, that's okay, it's a personal thing... however if you did get it can I get a HALLELUJAH up in hizzur?). The ginger tried to help me escape from a teacher, from whom I had stolen something trivial, like chicken wings... I think it was chicken wings. But in the end ol' gingy couldn't help me and I was chased all over the desolate city by this teacher wanting me to pay for my chicken wings. I'll tell you one thing, folks-- it don't matter if it's a dream or real life, J-Mil never pays for her chicken wings. And that's the gospel of truth.
Any of you guys seen derrickcomedy skits? They have a website, I'm going to let you guess what it's called, but they also have a ton of videos up on Youtube. They are absofruitly hilarious. Complete "WTF" humor, like College Humor and Whitest Kids U Know. My favorite skits are the Spelling Bee, Daughters, and the one about the funny story. I'd post them but Youtube is being a frigid bitch right now. Anyway, they're great. AND. Some of the troupe members performed an improv comedy show at Whittier last week. It was pretty funny... a little long... but funny. The main guy in Daughters-- the lanky blonde kid / muh favorite-- was one of the three performers. My plan was to hug him, tell him what a big fan I was, and then be best friends forever, but I had to leave the show early and didn't get to meet any of them. Sad story.
My Dumbest Moment. EVER.
"Do you know how to spell 'mathematics'?"
"M... A... Th---- Let's pretend that didn't just happen."
Note to self: the sound "th" is not a letter. Not in the English language, anyway. Damn it, I could've said I was spelling it in IPA.
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