And just the other day my dad shot the bigger deer square between the eyes and roasted it over our fireplace. She was delicious, folks.
I've been keeping myself busy with various rewarding activities that I couldn't do in college, like eating right, exercising, sewing and reading. IMPOSSIBLE to do in college. Can't be done.
I've been doing my share of socializing as well... just because I act like a grandma doesn't mean I'm not a cool grandma.
I'm seeing FLIGHT OF THE (mothafuckin', might I add) CONCHORDS this weekend! I'm so stoked, it's unbelievable. As in, if I told you how stoked I was you wouldn't believe me. Unfortunately the only people I've been able to brag about this concert to are people who have never heard of FOTC or just don't "get" them. Well let me tell you... I'm about to "get" up on that. Just kidding. But seriously. It's business time.
So today I went to watch my 5th grade sister compete in a county-wide spelling bee. I've never actually been to a spelling bee; I've only seen them on t.v. and felt robbed of glory because I so would've kicked ass in a spelling bee in elementary school. Spelling bees are silly. And, if they are between the final two fourth grade contestants, they are murderously tedious. That shit took too long. These kids got some difficult words. I'll admit, even in my head I misspelled "cantaloupe."
At the spelling bee I witnessed just how many adult contestants are eligible to be on, and lose, Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader. When a girl would spell "judgment" J-U-D-G-E-M-E-N-T and the judge announced that was incorrect, there would be this sudden (which was one of my sister's words, b.t.dubs) deflation and confusion in the audience as baffled parents recalculated how they had spelled the word in their head. Some of the more embarrassing moments would be when audience members would start to clap before the judge announced the spelling as correct or incorrect... and then the judge would declare it incorrect.
The kids had all sorts of tricks... they would write it on their palm using their finger, draw it in the air, ask for the definition, ask to have it repeated, ask for it to be used in a sentence; one kid asked the judge to use it in a song. That was a good moment.
J-Mil's Latest Moment of Stupidity
The other day I was driving to pick up my siblings, and I noticed the sky was rather dark. It looked smoky, almost, but I hadn't heard anything about fires. A little farther down the road I reached the top of the hill and looked out, and saw a streak of neon orange on-or-near the military base by my house. The military-base-by-my-house in question frequently catches on fire during what we so amiably refer to as "Fire Season." It's not quite fire season so I was confused, but nonetheless I was panicked that the fire was so huge and so close to our house. I called my dad to let him know. And when I picked up my sisters I was telling them all about it and how it was the biggest fire I'd seen yet. Well, we got to the top of the hill and... it was gone. There was no fire in sight. You know why? I HAD BEEN LOOKING AT THE SUNSET. Oh, and that bizarre smoky-looking stuff in the air? CLOUDS. The sky above us was completely dark and cloudy but the sun had reached that one area, so it was kind of like an optical illusion.
All the same, I kind of felt the way Chicken Little must have felt when he realized he'd been had. Except I didn't get eaten by a wolf. So I'm good.
Why are wolves always eating shit in fairytales? Chicken Little, Little Red Riding Hood, The 3 Little Pigs... always little things too. What's up with that? Pick on somebody your own size Balto!
"Like... you?"
Oh no! Cliche cartoon lines! Run for your lives! RUUUUUUN!
"The blog is falling! The blog is falling!"
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