I Have HAD It With These Monkey-Fighting Snakes On This Monday-To-Friday Plane.

I have spent this entire weekend out and about, so this is the first opportunity I've had in about two or three days to actually take the time to write out thoughts in complete sentences. Too bad I type colloquially and toss the need for complete sentences out the window. Shwing!

Shwing indeed my friends, shwing indeed.

This new movie, Bruno, starring Sacha Baron Cohen. I need to discuss it. My friend let us all see a midnight showing of it the other night... always a pretty sweet deal being trapped in a huge room with only people you know/like (mostly... except for the occasional awkward Joe every now and then) and watching a movie. You have the freedom to shout out your own smart ass commentary, and not have someone chuck Raisinettes at you with deadly intentions. But yeah... Bruno. Pardon me: I'm still recovering. I'm not in a state of mind where I can deem the movie "good" or "bad"... because I am so appalled by what I saw. The degree of shock value used in this film is so severe that I am unable to interpret what I saw as funny or just plain offensive. I take that back: it is ABSOLUTELY offensive. I was not really offended by Borat (and I'm a JEW for Moses's sake), but I was terribly offended by Bruno. I didn't know movies had the capacity to make me feel as violated and disgusted and disturbed and conflicted as I did last night. I guess what I'm still trying to figure out is whether it was good-offensive or bad-offensive.


You be the judge.

THE NEXT TWO PARAGRAPHS CONTAIN SPOILERS. From start to finish, the movie is nothing but shock value. Profanity, penises, racism, sodomy (SO much sodomy), genocide, etc... we are talking about the attempted GAY SEDUCTION of Ron Paul here! The air was so thick with offensive content you could cut a knife through it. What I'm trying to figure out is how in the world this movie churned out an 'R' rating, when I have never seen a movie more closely borderline 'NC-17' and 'X'. The shock value is RELENTLESS! The first 10 minutes of the movie are a test of your stamina. The message, as I perceived it, was as such: If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen NOW. We all stomached the whole film, but I'm pretty sure we couldn't do much more than that. It was not an 'enjoyable' movie experience. By no means. It was not a terrible movie experience. Just... appalling. Truly. If you think you are one BAMF who "goes there," see this movie; you may have to reevaluate your entire life.

I liked Borat because its material-- while offensive-- was tactfully 'slid into' the movie and considerably subtler. Bruno... everything was in-yo-face ass dildo penis clit and so on... too much, Sacha Baron Cohen, too much. Don't get me wrong; I commend SBC for putting himself in so many compromising situations (wearing flamboyant leather spandex in a Middle Eastern bazaar, interviewing/insulting a terrorist group leader, sucking a ghost's dick), but I just found myself more appalled than entertained throughout most of the movie. So, yeah, I guess I give it a thumbs down, just because it wasn't so much a comedy as it was an I-have-to-cover-my-eyes. It's confusing; I'm trying to figure out how to put it exactly. The shock value wasn't necessarily funny, though it wasn't the incite of anger either. It was just... shock value. Effective shock value, no less, but taken a little too far to be regarded as humorous.

So there. That's my convoluted twenty pesos on Bruno.

Oye. I'm way tired. I would be sleeping right now except I have that damned CWD (Compulsive Writer Disorder). It hurts so good...

I have this thing where I'll be exhausted but something in my brain says, "One more webpage, J-Mil... one more won't hurt..." and I end up going on these deep journeys through the vortexes of the internet; purposeless. And absolute poppycock! Which doesn't have a red dotted line underneath it, so I guess that's a real word. You learn something new every day.



Oh, and here, enjoy this as much as I do: