Top 5 Concerns Of the Day
Where J-Mil lists her top 5 concerns of the day
5. This weather. Jesus God Christ. Kudos bar for me for stating the obvious, but it is hot like 2girls1cup outside. And I'm living on the coast. A few miles inland, and it probably looks like a giant clan of lobsters walking around. A few more miles inland, and cannibals are having the world's largest barbecue. This heat is stupid. Not "stoopid," as in, "cool" (because this weather is FAR from cool... hooray for word play)... just... moronic. Moronic heat. Fortunately, as about 1,324,7654,092,366 love songs could tell you, the seasons change, and Fall is right around the corner. So we just have to stick it out, in the meantime being very sticky ourselves ("that's gross...").
4. The Mafia Wars application. I was always content to bite chumps with the "Zombies" application... that died out, but I kind of want to bring it back, because I can't think of a more fulfilling way to spend my time than by being a virtual zombie, virtually biting my virtual friends, and making them members of my virtual zombie army. Maybe I'm just bitter because I was on TOP at "Zombies;" I just checked my rank... I'm a LEVEL 11 ZOMBIE, bitch. At level 11 you become a "Zombienator." Do you have any idea how many chumps I had to bite and fight to get to where I am? Over the span of my zombie lifetime, I have bitten 35 people... that's boastworthy right there. *cough* Anyway, right... the "Mafia Wars" application. Basically, it clogs up my Facebook status feed, slows down my Myspace every time I go to the profile of a Mafia Wars user, and is an excuse for people to excrete "This comment was sent to you via Mafia Wars" comments all over the internet. It smells, people. It smells real bad.
3. 17 Again. The movie was set up to be a disaster: a recycled plot, a predictable outcome, and starring teeny-bop sensation Zac Efron. And yet... the movie was decent. Not a cinematic masterpiece, but it was apparent that Zac did his homework, and as much as it pains me to say, he delivered. While I applaud Zaccini for breaking the mold of the typical terrible Disney actor, this has opened up a vortex of utter chaos. It's just a slight tear right now, but it'll get bigger... pretty soon, Zac Enron will become a respectable actor, and he'll start acting in movies with substance (albeit watered down, but more substance than "High School Musical," per se). Then his followers-- little 11-year-old sparkle princesses with bug bites where their mammaries should be-- will tag along and claim to be cultured because they saw some movie with a taboo subject like homosexuality or cannibalism. And then other incompetent actors will look at Zacattack's success and jump on board the bandwagon. And then THEIR sparkle princesses will follow THEM. And THEN, ladies and gentlemen, the lines get blurred and suddenly everything that was precious in the world of cinema will fall to shit. The uncultured will believe they are cultured, the cultured will desperately seek to cultivate their own culture, and the people in between (thaaaaat's me) will simply follow whoever it is convenient to follow at any given moment. This continues until there are no "good movies" or "bad movies," only "all right" movies.
2. Bloggers in denial. Any person who blogs and doesn't accept the fact that they are a hedonistic entertainer is fooling no one but themselves. An outside reader can detect this in a HEARTBEAT. "I..." "I'm..." "I think..." No matter how you spin it, a blog is a journal... and we don't journal about things that don't have to do with us. What's more, it's a public journal. It's a journal that caters to a certain audience. That's exactly what I'm doing right now, whether I care to admit it or not. It's the ugly truth, but I can't recall the last time the truth was 'pretty'. We're all trying to hold the attention of our readers; otherwise, what dumbass decides it's a superb idea to make their "it's just for me" journal public? Right? Right? Agree with me, I crave your approval. The thing of it is, some bloggers are more tactful than others... they make "gardening tips" blogs, or they throw in humor, or insight, or interesting photos, or controversial questions. It's all one big form of trying to entertain. Not necessarily a bad thing, if people actually read/enjoy your blog. It's a bad thing when people try too hard, and inevitably fail, to turn themselves into "the next big thing."
Example L
You can't force people to like your stuff; you can't even force them to read it. The democratic way to go about blogging is to have it, do your thing, ENJOY doing it (key), and not get upset if people don't dig it. You can always go into Accounting.
In short: embrace your self-centeredness and write if you feel so inclined, but don't kid yourself into thinking you are a 'selfless blogger'.
1. Oscillating fans. A classic case of "can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em." On the one hand, we need them, because they provide a circulation of air that a non-oscillating fan simply cannot. And if you're not in a room with a ceiling fan, a standing oscillating fan is going to be your best bet. But DAMN that oscillation, you know? Oscillating every which way, scattering your papers all over the floor. Makes a big mess. And the breeze is inconsistent. You get that one moment of air in your face... then it's gone. Then, you have to sit and wait for 10 minutes (<-- heinous exaggeration) until it makes another round. I guess if you wanted you could make like Mr. Bean and follow it around until your pants dry (watch the Mr. Bean Movie... it will change your life); but as Bean demonstrates, that is highly inefficient and bizarre looking. The answer to this problem? Portable ceiling fan. I just did a Google search and apparently they do exist. But then again, I don't know if I would be comfortable sitting under a fan that detaches from the ceiling. Scarier thought: sitting under a fan that I installed myself. I'm an incompetent handyman.
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